Covert-19 Mandemic

I Met the Devil

This site was created with the purpose of healing. To find meaning in the hell that I went through and many other men like me. I know that it's easy to feel stupid and ashamed after being in a relationship with a CN. Which is very hard to deal with as life goes on. To think about all the time spent arguing and bickering for no reason. Constantly trying to adapt and to things differently, which seems to never work. I know what it's like to have anxiety when she's coming home for work, because you don't know which version of her is coming home. And we are not weak people.

We are strong people. A weak person could not have put up with the day to day tortue, that we were subjected to. The constant state of confusion never really feeling secure and not knowing if today is the day it all ends. I know what it feels like being so mad at yourself that your putting up with it. Why cant I just leave? She obviously doesn't love me and does not care about my feelings at all. So why do I stay? What is wrong with me? Nothing! You are a loving and caring person. You are strong and refuse to quit easily.

You will sacrifice it all just to try and make things better. Just to be defeated time and time again. We give and give and then give some more. We change, switch up, do this differently, go back to doing it the same way, and rinse and repeat. The dance never ends. Your never going to be good enough. On top of all that you are also expected to be a lover, friend, a support system. When there is no support system for you. You are on your own in this game thats being played. No matter how hard we fight, no matter how much we give of ourselves, the saddest part about it all is that we will never win. All the efforts that we made. All the tears we shed and the pain we felt, was for nothing. I know know what it's like to have met the devil.